Jacob's story of betrayal, travel, manipulation, and family tension reminds me of when Kate and I were first engaged. Soon after we’d announced our engagement, Kate was living back with her parents in Tennessee, while I prepared for our wedding here in Canada. Completely unexpectedly, Kate’s parents presented us with a very serious letter saying that they did not think we were ready to be married, reversing their previous blessing. They asked us to wait at least a year, each of us going to school or working on our separate sides of the continent. They told us that if we were going to get married before this, they would not approve, and would not attend the wedding.
We were crushed. A year is a very long time to be separated from a fiancée. We had been more sure of our plans to wed than either of us had ever been of anything in our life before that time.
Still, we decided to wait.
Two things affected our decision. The first was a recognition that marriage really is a huge decision with life altering consequences. We knew that we were young and in love. We decided to interpret very conservatively the scriptural directives for children to obey their parents. We decided that as long as Kate was living at home, and receiving the benefit of her parent’s support, she could legitimately be considered a child. If not, to listen to her parent’s advice certainly honoured them, another scriptural direction given to all, not just children. We decided that even though we were sure, it was entirely possible that Kate’s parents were seeing something we did not. If they were wrong, it was a year of pain to follow their direction. If they were right, it was a lifetime of misery to disobey.
The second reason we decided to wait was because of our desire for a continued growing and healthy relationship with the grandparents of our children. We knew that the rift that could be created by having a wedding without their involvement could take years to heal, or may never heal at all. Considering the physical distance Kate was already prepared to put between herself and her parents in order to marry me, we did not want to compound the difficulty with an emotional distance as well.
We were in complete and total agreement on this decision. We were convicted. This was probably the hardest decision that we’ve ever had to make in our entire lives. Yet, there is hardly a single decision in our lives that we are more sure was the right one. Even if it had gone badly, even if it had not had a good result, it was right for us to do.
Fortunately, within ten days of our agreement, Kate’s parents relented. It was a very long week for us, because as far as we knew it was just the first ten days of 365. In hindsight, it was a blink. Kate’s parents admitted that it was our firm resolve to listen to their advice that largely resulted in their change of mind. Our decision had been so mature, and our willingness to delay gratification so dramatic, that they recognized we were probably more ready for marriage than they had first thought. They blessed our marriage, and attended the ceremony.
To this day, I still think of how this may have all turned out differently. I believe that the consequences of disregarding Kate’s parents would have still been felt in our lives today. This was a hinge in time, a significant moment for us, where everything could have changed.
This is the story of Jacob’s life. He is a sneak and a liar, and every lie he makes only causes his life to turn out worse. Though he is consistently given opportunities to give up and place his life in God’s hands, he spends his life striving to make good for himself. And failing.
I am convinced that reconciliation, forgiveness, and grace are better than offense and division, even when they are costly.
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