Since then . . .

A year since my dad died has given me a chance to start over. Being given the permission to grieve my dad, I discovered what grief was, and that I needed to grieve the pains and losses that I'd experienced before moving to Edmonton. I was given permission in the process of grief to shed the sadness and complication of the abuse and disappointment Kate and I had experienced in Lethbridge.

In the last year, I've finally stopped and reconsidered what it means for me to be a Christian in the world of social action and anarchist community. Without the opportunity to grieve, Kate and I may have been preparing for these twins somewhere in the suburbs with a white picket fence.

This year, I rediscovered Jesus. This hammer swinging, working class (carpenter) hick from Galilee (Galileans had an accent, and there was a common prejudice against them, like someone from Newfoundland or the South). He dared give hope to a poor people in exile, living in a land occupied by a militaristic empire. He encouraged resistance, and gave them dignity. He was born in poverty, and killed by his world's most brutal, oppressing, powerful nation. Before he died, he stood before the man with authority to kill him, and said "My Kingdom is not of this world". He did not claim to rebel against this unjust authority. He claimed authority over it, and this empire was rebelling against him. And then he came back from the grave. That's my King. That's my God.

The old Anarchist refrain is "No Gods - No Masters". It's statements like that which are the reason I suspect I cannot truly call myself an anarchist. Someone else can call me that if they want to. I'd like to think I'm an ally. There's probably as much or more disagreement within the anarchism than with me, anyway. I don't think agreeing on every point is what makes the anarchist community anarchist.

I've considered stencilling "One God - One Master" on the back of my jacket. Considered, and decided against it. But if I had, I'd have intended it in a similar way to the early Christians who said "Jesus is Lord". Many Christians today don't know that this phrase was a subversion of the common phrase "Ceasar is Lord". To the early Christians, to claim that they would reject the authority of the Roman empire for this uneducated criminal hick was highly political, and highly offensive.

In the last year, I've made peace with my radical politics and conservative theology. When I say conservative, I mean that I believe the Bible is true, and that Jesus is God. Because of my politics, and perhaps the way I dress or carry myself, people sometimes falsely assume that I'm a "liberal" or "moderate" Christian. Usually, I don't find the context of these assumptions warrants a correction, so I let it be. Besides, many of my close and dear friends may call themselves liberal Christians.

I think the main difference between me and my liberal Christian friends is that my liberal Christian friends would criticize fundamentalists for taking the Bible too seriously. I believe that most of us Christians (especially in North America) don't take the Bible seriously enough.

I believe that this echoes a sharp criticism Jesus makes of the religious people in his day. In Matthew 23 Jesus calls out the religious leaders for requiring people to tithe of their mint, dill, and cummin, but they neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice mercy, and faithfulness. For this he called them "hypocrites", "whitewashed tombs", and "sons of hell". I want to live the weighty matters of my faith.

To justify a faith that wholly embraces empire, colonialism, waste, decadence, affluence, nationalism, and prejudice, it is necessary to pick and choose isolated scriptures from the Bible. But if we as Christians are to take the whole counsel of scripture into account, for many of us, the life change required would be shocking. We follow someone who was put to death. Much of the New Testament was written from prison. Jesus said that his followers would visit people in prison. Is this because a lot of us would be going to prison? Or is this because we'd be friends with people in prison? Are we either? When Christianity becomes very wealthy, or powerful, or violent, we've seriously lost the plot. The spirit of Jesus thrives in communities of justice, compassion, and resistance.

I think that it's very, very hard to be a Jesus follower in North America. Our privileged, isolated culture of independance has made it very difficult yo see where we can reflect the attitude of Jesus - one that puts others first even at great personal cost. We easily fall into a family friendly Sunday School lesson version of the Gospel that costs us very little. In truth, the grace of salvation is very costly. It cost Jesus his life.

I think that Christian life is so necessarily counter cultural that many of us Christians wouldn't recognize it if we saw it.

The cross means we've been set free. Free from sin. Free from sins' consequences. Free from being oppressed (see the resistance training in the Sermon on the Mount). Free from being oppressors. We couldn't do it without the Saviour. This is the offense of the Gospel.

And now we're FREE to be like Jesus. Radical, loving, truthful, just, and good. Don't settle for anything less.

And so, I've moved on. I've been able to forgive and love, but also reevaluate who I am, what I believe, and how it's manifested in my life. I'm only getting started.

I miss you, dad. Thanks for you.